The Petticoat Project

Meet Marty Halverson. Blogger extroidanaire, and a cheerleader and #1 fan of her 7 children and many grandbabies. This Travelin' Oma, has talents to boot and after following a favorite of mine, Marta, from Marta Writes, I decided this Mama has secrets I'd like to discover for myself for my family. From her down-to-earth perspective to magnifying classic family priniciples based on truth, I know you'll enjoy her parenting perspective as much as I did. Thanks Marty for taking the time out of your busy schedule!

So Marti, How do you view the world?
I view the world very optimistically. I enjoy my life and see the good.


Did this influence how you raised your children?
For sure. Although I get cross, and discouraged like everyone, I have an eternal perspective and don't stay down or negative for long.


What would you say your parenting philosophy was?
My parents had the same optimism. However they were more into control. If I didn't see things their way, I was wrong. As I got older and made choices about college and marriage that they disagreed with, I was not encouraged. It was hard for me.


What type of values did you try to instill in your children and how did you teach them?
Pray always, love one another, serve one another. That's it in a nutshell.

Where did you get your values from?
The LDS church and my parents.


Were you affectionate? Physically? emotionally?
I think I was affectionate. I'm not real huggy or cuddly with adults, but I am with kids. Emotionally I'm very affectionate, and I try to say loving, supportive things.


How did you handle the age specific behaviors? (i.e. tantrums, lying, experimenting, rebeling)?
I tried everything (spanking, grounding, talking, time outs, priviledges taken away, etc.) I had 7 kids and they all responded differently. I read all the books, tried all the strategies, and ultimately just waited it out!


How did you discipline and what did you let slide and what did you give extra attention to? How did you determine this?
I tried to give positive attention, and it worked most of the time. My relationship with my kids was of utmost priority, and I talked with them about everything. I used to check them out of school and take them to lunch for a "chat" about things I worried about. I chose my battles. A messy room is not the same as lying. I let the messy room slide. I NEVER told them they were lazy, dumb, or selfish. I used positive terms in my criticisms: "You are a smart kid! Why do you act like school doesn't matter?" "You are so hard working when you practice basketball. Put some of that energy into mowing the lawn."


How was the topic of sex/intimacy approached in your home?
I talked about sex their whole lives. We had FHE on it. I tried to make it normal, but not available to them yet. "When you're 16, you can drive. Won't that be awesome? Don't take the car before that, or you'll ruin the opportunity." "When you're 18 you can go to college. You'll love it. It's worth preparing for." "When you're married you can have sex. Don't spoil it for yourself by having it before you're married." I had some kids who were always asking questions, interested in details, and others who were embarrassed, and didn't participate. I just wanted them to know I wasn't embarrassed talking about it, that I KNEW about it, and it was like fire—dangerous if not used properly, in the right place at the right time.


How did you bring out their individual best selves and/or make your children feel special?
My parents had tried to program me to choose certain interests, develop certain talents, and I felt that I disappointed them when I chose other things. It's my philosophy that we're not molding our kids, we're helping them discover themselves. Who knew I'd have a computer genius? Computers weren't even invented when he was little. I encouraged every interest and never tried to steer them into anything. If it isn't a commandment from God, then it's not a commandment. College degrees? They could choose (6 for 7.) They know they've got my support for anything they want to pursue.


What rules did you have (i.e. no license until an eagle, curfews, etc.) that you felt were effective?
Curfews were flexible. Knowing where they were was mandatory. Curfews, calling in, etc. were all part of being considerate. We did it, too. All 3 of our sons got their eagles and served missions for our church, but these were not part of incentive programs. They were good choices (missions a commandment) and we presented them that way. We encouraged, but didn't demand things like good grades, etc. A couple of kids didn't take seminary but they were good kids, and we let them choose.

You seem to have a strong and supportive family, how have you created this?
It came naturally, because that's how we treated them.

Your children seem to be strong, capable, confident how did you facilitate this?
Praised them for their good qualities. Taught them that they were unique and we were in awe of them.


Did you have special family traditions?
We had lots of traditions that evolved over the years. The main traditions I wanted to promote were loving each other, having fun working and playing together, prayer, testimony, serving one another.


Excluding luck and anything existential beyond your control, what do you think YOU did that helped to influence your children for good?
Loved them unconditionally.


What is the biggest difference you see between our generation and our approach to families and yours?
Husbands help more. Kids are over-programmed.


If you could give some wisdom to new parents now, what would it be?
You are your kid's parents with a right and responsibility to teach them. You'll be blessed with the right inspiration for each unique child. Don't delegate parenthood to someone who doesn't have that right. Your kids need you! Love them and teach them that God loves them.