Example

I've spouted this off at various times in my life when I have worked with youth. It goes like this:

"You don't get to choose IF you are an example, you are ALWAYS an example to someone. What you do get to choose is what KIND of example you are. You can choose to lead people to be better or choose to lead people to be lesser. That's what you get to choose. -- ME"

It's been on my mind a lot lately and I thought I'd share it with you.
(image from Phillip Klinger via Flickr)

Piano Stairs

As you learned on my old blog, HodderThanEver, I have a thing for social experiments in the happiest sense of the words. Things like how to people respond when a group of people break out in to broadway tune in the middle of a mall foodcourt, or freeze for a minute straight mimicking time that has stopped. Here's the latest and greatest in happy, little experimentsz: fun stairs. Basically would people take the stairs MORE if they felt like entered FAO Schwartz on their way to or from the subway? Sounds like FUN to me. Thanks VW for once again making me smile (too bad your cars continue to make me frown but your ads and spirit? Top notch :)

Meet Stefany Pike from California. This entrepreneurial mother, wife, and mentor is a dear friend of mine who mentored me in the beginning of my marriage. A true example in many ways, I was beyond ecstatic when she took the plunge with answering The Parenting Profile questionnaire. Oh and just so you know, I should probably add "survivor" because she has been through the California fires and lives to tell about it. "Two years ago today the wildfires came through our neighborhood at 4:30 am... we were throwing the kids in the car while our backyard and roof were on fire. The firetrucks were all around us and the cinders were flying like bullets. . . . . SO, SO, SO grateful this morning is alot more peaceful." Enjoy :)

Hey Stefany, so how do you view the world?
I am an optimist so I tend to think the cup is half full. Or at least there is a pitcher nearby, with lots of lemonade.


Did this influence how you raised your children?
Ohhh I just realized you were looking for something different when you asked the fist question. I would like to think that my parenting approach comes from my understanding of why we are here, what our purpose is and where we are going. I get those answers through my church, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.

What would you say your parenting philosophy was?
Weeeeelll, my husband is the military dictator and I am somewhere in the middle of the opposite and him. I think we make a good pair. Our children have had different thoughts though of who was the dictator (laughing) through the years.


What type of values did you try to instill in your children and how did you teach them?
I am huge on manners “ yes, please and thank yous.” And my hubby is a good old boy from the South so he is all over the “Sir and Maam” thing. Beyond that – we have tried to teach them that they are unique, special and capable of doing anything that they set out to do and have tons to give to the world around them. We also have tried very hard to instill upon then WHO they are and that they come from a noble birthright and that they are future queens and kings – in training.


Where did you get your values from?
Our values have come from the teachings and principles of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.


So Stefany, were you affectionate? physically? emotionally?
I think we are usually hugging for one reason or another. Emotionally, oh heck ya. We always try to spend individual time with the kids even if its just going to the grocery store together. Long talks are synonymous with driving with me in the car. And as a precaution, my kids know that sometimes my emotions come goobing out through tears.


How did you handle the age specific behaviors? (i.e. tantrums, lying, experimenting, rebelling)?
Not very well. Oh, you wanted more of an answer than that? Well somedays I deal with them by going in the bathroom, locking the door and not coming out until I have determined the child is no longer at risk. So much of parenting is a trial and error thing to be honest and let me tell you I have made my share of blunders and errors.

How did you discipline and what did you let slide and what did you give extra attention to? How did you determine this?
One thing that we have recently added to our parenting toolbox is a family contract with our teens. In its 12 pages, it clearly spells out every last responsibility, consequences of breaking and the privileges associated with doing the right thing. It includes everything from cell phone use, drinking, grades, curfew, driving, chores, etc. Everything already thought out, agreed to by the parents and child and put in a binder as well as a copy posted in the child’s room. When something happens – we refer to our family binder and the effect of the child’s action is spelled out. I am truly loving this as it takes the stress out of the heat of the moment. The parents don’t argue, the child already knows the outcome and it’s a beautiful thing. . . at least so far.

NOTE- The contract was hammered out by my husband and I on a 2 night getaway where we sat and discussed it all … out of the hearing range of the children. All discussions and individual parents’ thoughts were aired at that point. When the contract was presented to the child it was done with parents 100% united (and no mention of the journey of communication and frustrations to come up with it).

Kristin's Note: Stefany I think this is brilliant and creative...


How was the topic of sex/intimacy approached in your home?
Very carefully. I can think of 2 ways. Jason makes comments around the teenagers like “I always LOVE sleeping with your mom.(smiles)” Usually they respond with gagging noises and I leave the room. Early on I went to him about these kind of remarks ….I was annoyed to say the least. Who was this man to act like a Navy Sailor acting like so ridiculous around me? Then his comment was “ I want my boys to grow up realizing that it is cool to feel such a way about there wife and I want my girls to hold their husbands to this standard” SO – though it is VERY embarrassing to me, I get it .

How did you bring out their individual best selves and/or make your children feel special?
I often wonder if I have done this enough and thus I don’t know if I have done this properly. I have had moments of the sun shining through and feeling like I have captured the essence of this. I will share one of these moments.

When our daughter was 15 she and I went on a humanitarian trip to Mexico. I saw lights come on within her. I saw her in her element at a very tender time in her life I saw her passion and excitement in that week alone. She came home and declared that doing stuff like that was her mission. The months passed and I watched as she searched to find that feeling again. I pretty much was a spectator during this time frame. One day she came to me and declared that she wanted to earn enough money to pay to have a home built for a family in Mexico. Then, as if that weren’t enough, she wanted to take a group down the build the home. I was shocked. We had no financial means to help her and I knew she had to do it completely on her own. Being a mother, I worried, “what if she fails and doesn’t quite make the required amount? What if she doesn’t get the home built in time? What if she quits?” I finally took some time in prayer. It was only then that I realized that she needed to do this for whatever reason and the consequences would be part of what she needed. It took great faith to not be a helicopter mom. What if she failed?

I watched her feverishly doing donut sales, presentations, asking for donations and counting the money. As I watched this process from a distance I realized that I was actually watching her find her mission. Her mission – not mine. This was probably one of my better parenting/life missions.

Honestly, one of the best parenting lessons that I have learned is to realize that every kid is different from the others. They each have different attitudes, paradigms, trigger points and things that motivate them. It’s our job to listen and to hear all of that and try (time and time again) to pull it all together and make magic. I don’t think in anyway parents can be a one-hit success it’s in the consistently, persistently “being there” .

What rules did you have (i.e. no license until an eagle, curfews, etc.) that you felt were effective?
Once in a fit of frustration we told our now 16 year old son that he had to have his Eagle Scout before he couldn’t drive until he had his Eagle Scout. We are in the midst of that so I will let you know how it turns out.

You seem to have a strong and supportive family, how have you created this?
Another little tidbit that I have learned. PLAN, follow through and carryout family together time. With a big, busy family and dealing with budgets it is often easy to nix the vacation or not do things together for a variety of excuses. We have discovered that the little things like planning a trip to pick apples can be relatively cheap but will leave a lifetime of memories.

Additionally, I have told the children that friends will (sadly) come and go but your FAMILY will always be there for you. Your brother, or sister will always be there for you. Through thick and thin – here is a group of people who will love and understand you, forever. . . . And when you choose yer spouse ya darn well oughta pick someone who appreciates this “mess” !!!


Did you have special family traditions?
Every night we gather together for family prayer.
Eating dinner together and the antics, laughter and craziness that happens when 7 people gather in a small room. Also, before each child can be excused he has to tell my husband one thing that he/she learned that day. If its something lame some one usually rejects it saying “ How will that affect you in 5 years?” . The children’s friends now know this is coming so they come to dinner prepared with their own answer.


Do you have any regrets you'd care to elaborate on?
It’s important to take time out for you. So often we set our own needs to the back burner and that’s where they sit till you lose a part of who you are. Take the time to journal, pray, read your scriptures, meditate and excercise. Everynow and then – go and get a pedicure and buy a new dress. You deserve it. Find and develop a hobby that is yours. By doing these things you will be less prone to depression, have more energy, more excitement and be able to be more creative. Trust me.

This one is evolving – I think I could have better balanced the mother friend thing better. Sometimes I think I could have been more mother than friend. Yeah… I know I could have. It would have made enforcing the consequences a whole lot easier.

If you could give some wisdom to new parents now, what would it be?
Don’t spend money on the new trendy toys – Really, if I could do it over again, I would just use the classic toys. Legos, Tinker toys, wooden blocks and a palate of cardboard boxes every now and then will foster more creativity, role playing, visual perception, career exploration and fine motor coordination than most toys on the shelf. Trust me, it took me 5 years to grasp this concept and I sooo wish I could go back.

Take time out for you. So often we set our own needs to the back burner and that’s where they sit till you lose a part of who you are. Take the time to journal, pray, read your scriptures, meditate and excercise. Everynow and then – go and get a pedicure and buy a new dress. You deserve it. Find and develop a hobby that is yours. By doing these things you will be less prone to depression, have more energy, more excitement and be able to be more creative. Trust me.

I would have listened to my mothers intuition more.

I would have stuck to and followed through with chore charts at an earlier age.

I would have budgeted an allowance for the children from the beginning and had them use that to buy extras. In our home, I buy the basic shampoo, clothes, shoes. If you want more or a different brand then YOU have to budget and save for it.

Oh here is a big one. I wouldn’t have been so quick to compare myself to what I saw of other families. I was comparing our faults to their strengths. Over the years, I have learned that EVERY family has their own set of weaknesses and baggage. We are all doing the best given our personalities, backgrounds, cultures to raise uniquely different children.

Thanks Stefany. I loved having a chance at gleaning some "Stefany insight" and sharing that insight with others. You can get MORE of Stefany and her daily adventures over at her blog, Pikes Pickles.


If you have someone YOU'D like to have featured on The Parenting Profiles, email me at: kristinbhodson@gmail.com

It's a Very Merry FOSTER TEEN Christmas - Post #1

Alright folks here's the post you all have been waiting for...details regarding our Foster Teen Christmas. I thought I'd start with a letter from Tammy Champo, (who really is a champ-o! She's does incredible things for these kids) volunteer and donation coordinator for SL Youth Services.

(*Notice that ALL donations are tax deductible)

September 29, 2009

Dear Kristin Hodson and Supporters:
Thank you for your interest in serving the youth at the Salt Lake County Division of Youth Services. For more than 30 years we have been aiding youth and their families in the greater Salt Lake area. We have grown from our humble beginnings of a few counseling offices and a small home for emergency shelter to now serving nearly 10,000 youth and their families each year. Though we have grown, our overall goal is still the same, to make a positive difference in the lives of children, youth and families.

As the holiday season approaches and the spirit of giving is in the air, we value the generosity of community members like you in order to provide those in need with a special gift. Holiday donations are especially appreciated for the youth staying in our teenage group homes between the ages of 11 and 18. Many of the youth are in state custody because of abuse and neglect and are waiting for a more permanent placement, either in foster care or with family members. Many of these youth have been in and out of foster homes for many years and Youth Services becomes a safety net in between those placements. Special gifts ease the homesick and heartache the youth feel being away from their families during a time when most are with their loved ones. We appreciate any and all contributions because it helps the youth feel valued and remembered.

All donations are tax-deductible and are received through our non-profit arm, ShelterKids Inc. More information is available on the web site at www.shelterkids.org. We also invite you to get involved through our one-time and ongoing volunteer opportunities. Your time is a gift that keeps on giving and not only will it give you an opportunity to meet the youth but also to make a lifelong impact
as a mentor to a youth in need. You can also stay connected to our current needs and activities on our Facebook Page and our Twitter Account. Find the links on our web site at www.youth.slco.org.

Thank you again for your time and generosity. Feel free to contact me with
any questions or interests.

Warmest Regards,
Tammy Champo
Youth Services Volunteer and Donation Coordinator
801.269.7506 tchampo@slco.org

It's a Very Merry TEEN FOSTER Christmas - Post #2

THE DETAILS YOU HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR

I've been working closely with Tammy and I asked her to send me her "dream list" to give these kids a good Christmas. She told me in years prior, when they have had the funds, they have had approximately $50 per child. However, they haven't always had funds which has meant going to other "children's homes" where donations were in abundance and snagging some of their present overflow. (people tend to think little kids when doing Christmas donations) I think what really stood out to me is a comment she told me about from one of the teens where he couldn't BELIEVE he got more than candy...that he got an actual present. Thinking what I'm thinking?

Alright so here's The Dream list. We've decided there has to be some method to the madness so please read the "How Can I Help" section just below the list. We will keep this blog updated with info and how close we are to our goal so check back often!

Goal: Make Christmas dreams come true for 17 boys and 17 girls - Someone has already signed up to sponsor 5 youth so you'll notice the numbers being less than targeted goal)

Holiday Package Teen Boy:

* $25 Gift Card ** (Target or Wal-Mart) x15
* Hand Held Video Game x15
* Axe Gift Sets (as in the cologne :) x15
* Pajama Set and Slippers x15
* Tech Deck Skate Board Sets (finger skate boards) x15
* Model Car/Airplane x15
* Deck of Cards x15

Holiday Package Teen Girl:

* $25 Gift Card ** (Target or Wal-Mart) x14
* Hand Held Video Game x14
* Makeup x14
* Lotion kits x14
* Jewelry x14
* Pajama Set, Robe and Slippers x14
* Journal x14

** The gift card is by far their favorite because they get to shop for themselves without someone else telling them what it has to be used for, something they rarely get to do.

Other great gift ideas: (these would be our icing on the cake)

* Teen appropriate remote control toys (cars, airplanes, etc)
* Teen appropriate movies (No R rated movies)
* Teen appropriate books: Twilight, Eragon, Fablehaven, Artemis Fowle, Harry
Potter, etc

HERE'S HOW YOU CAN HELP AND GET INVOLVED

We are trying to find MANY ways people who want to be involved can get involved in a way that is best suited to them and their circumstances. Some people have called and are going to make Christmas cards, others are going to make BIG decorated sugar cookies, others are going to get their churches involved...bottom line is the sky is the limit. The point is to give these teens an incredible Christmas.

If you are wanting to get involved, please send me an email to: kristinbhodson@gmail.com or leave a comment on my blog. I will keep a running log about what needs have been fulfilled and what is left. REMEMBER: if you have something in mind outside of what is listed that's FANTASTIC! Just let me know and we'll include it.

THANKS EVERYONE...I'LL KEEP YOU POSTED...LITERALLY :)

Foster Night Out on The Town

A little bit ago I blogged about what the Mister and I were planning on doing for Christmas. This post is part one of our two part Christmas plans for the teens in the Salt Lake foster program. Just so you know, we have chosen the foster TEENS because they are often the most overlooked population when it comes to the holidays. People usually think kids, homeless, families with little children, etc. We wanted these kids to have a Christmas they would always remember.

November 30th we are planning a night that very few of these kids have ever experienced up to this point in their lives...A night out on the town! Complete with dressing up for a dinner at a restaurant downtown followed by attending our local professional dance company's Christmas performance of It's a Wonderful Life. Tammy, the volunteer coordinator for Division of Youth Services said, "Most of these kids have never even had a chance to eat out at a real restaurant outside of fast food! They will love to have a chance to get dressed up, put on make-up and practice some real-life etiquette." Keep in mind, once these youth turn 18, they "age-out" of the system. This means they don't have a home with a family and they no longer can participate with the State. For some, this may be their only chance at a night like this.

After that first blog, most of you wanted to know how you could help. Here's what is entailed with Part I:

1) Odyssey Dance Company has granted us the tickets needed for EVERYONE!!! (By the way if you haven't seen their THRILLER performance, there is still time! You won't be disappointed.)

2) Transportation is all squared away thanks to the awesome Recreation Therapist at the group home.

3) My awesome talentad Mother-In-Law will be creating a fancy invitation to be delivered about a week before the big event.

HERE'S WHAT'S LEFT TO BE DONE

4) Buying and creating gift bags to be enjoyed during the performance complete with: bottled water and a couple of sweet treats.

5) Finding a local restaurant to host 30 Teens plus 8 volunteers for a tasty meal. We are shooting for the moon in hoping they might donate the food, or possible give it to us at cost. If not, bring on the fund raising.

Here's an itemized break-down of items 4, 5. If you think you can help with any of it, leave a comment and/or email me at: kristinbhodson@gmail.com

* 30 Bottles of water (Costco) - DONE
* 30 Decorative Sacks
* 30 Movie Size Candy Bars - DONE
* 30 Movie Size Sour or Sweet Candies such as: Dots, Sour Patch Kids, Etc. DONE
* Helping to locate a restaurant in the Salt Lake Valley, the closer to Downtown the
better.


Want to participate in our Foster Teen Christmas? Be watching for the post detailing how YOU can get involved :) We are going to provide Christmas for 30 foster teens, giving them a Christmas they'll never forget. The cost? A mere $100 per teen. If we get many involved it could only cost each person what it would cost for a family to head to Cafe Rio for dinner. Most of the years, the staff are having to snag overflow from their child home in order to provide Christmas for their teen home. Do something great this year and join us!

Life In a List

Life in a list is brought to you by a busy week, a mom working at the ED all weekend, managing a private practice and dealing with insurance (oh insurance claims..boo) planning her son's first birthday, trying to keep any semblance of a clean home, a husband who is working his little professional brains out and great fall weather. Oh and the letter S.

* We've been swimming, this time was much better since the wee one only cried half of the time.

* We've been hitting the Gym, the Little Gym that is. It was a big hit, we'll definitely be going back.

* What's up with the new trend in books...reality books. Saw a new title, "My life as an experiment", Eat, Pray, Love was a writer who was commissioned to write about her traveling experiences...more on this later.

* It's birthday time. Definitely going a little far on this but a) I love birthday's and think they should be MORE than celebrated b) I love to "plan" an event, and c) gives me another thing to channel my energy towards.

* I've been summoned for Jury Duty all next week. I keep thinking that I am going to be a part of some high profile case. Mr. Man keeps reminding me there's not much high profile going on in West Jordan. True.

* Been watching The Biggest Loser? That Tracy is a piece of work! All I keep thinking the whole show is that girl has some serious issues probably of the Axis II kind. Her "surprise eyes" don't help her sane cause out much.

* They announced the next Bachelor. Drum roll OR pull out your vomit bag--it's Jake. Cheesy, Golly Gee Jake from season Jillian. Really? Really.

* My hair is finally figuring itself out rather I'm figuring it out. Pregnancy is tough on the curls.

* I miss Kim. She and her fam have been living in the land of Sun for a week now. The phone just doesn't cut it.

* Reading probably one of the most inspirational books that I have read in a long time: Being a Leader. I know the title is blah, but it's a leadership classic written in the 70's.

* Going to a "Rebirthing" next week. Interested? Stay tuned.

And that's my life in a list. Ciao for now.

--Kristin

1 Mustache Please

When I first met the Mister in my life, he was adorned with a dirty, dirty mustache. Though he grappled extensively "to mustache or not to mustache" for our first blind date ultimately...the mustache one. I wouldn't say it was the mustache that won me over, but it was all that it implied that definitely did. This guy definitely had all the spirit, karisma and confidence a girl like me needed.

Enter these little gems found after visiting DesignMoms website and thought, wouldn't these be FANTASTIC to adorn for our Christmas card? Matching big man and little man staches with a pink one for the lady? I think yes. And honestly, the cunundrum isn't SHOULD we wear them but which ONE should we wear?! *sigh* Probably the best part is there is no scratchy stubble, lip over hang or lip tickling with these guys. Just peel on and bask in the mustacheness. Oh and if you are wanting many more vintage party supplies? You should probably check out their site :)

The Big ONE

Slowly but surely it's all coming together...the party for The Big ONE! My great friend, Jamie, is always helping me create something spectacular and I'd say this meets and exceeds the design bar she has set. Today people will be getting these little gems in their REAL mailbox (not just email) to join the party. Notice the little 1 on the spider?...yea, she's just great like that.

Oh and for those of you who don't see my family blog, Lindsay Ross, captured our little guy so well. If you are in need of some fantastic photos swing on by her blog home.

How do you RELATE?

For most of you women out there, you go to your OB or midwife at least once a year for your annual "check-up" to catch anything problematic early on. Most of you visit your dentist at least twice a year to get your teeth cleaned and to prevent any problems such as cavities, gum disease, etc. When you've gone to these medical professionals, are you bummed or disappointed when they give you a clean bill of health? No, it's like getting a super big gold star! Isn't it awesome when they say, "Gee Jill, you have incredibly healthy teeth. Do you know what would take your teeth to the next level? Flossing daily rather than weekly." Who wouldn't want professional insight to help you go from good to great or simply tell you to keep doing whatever you're doing?

Or maybe you're on the other end and you would rather not know about the problems so you don't go see your medical team. Then before you know it, the small problems that could've been solved with a change in diet, or a short term prescription or a simple procedure turn into a big deal that's much more difficult, time consuming and scary to resolve.

Either way, when was the last time you had a marital check-up? Most of us invest into our physical health from a prevention stand-point but view our emotional health from a reactive standpoint. We wait until a problem is so bad we have no choice BUT to get help. Do you KNOW where your relationship stands or do you assume because it seems like it's going it must be going great. That because you feel like things are on track your spouse feels like things are on track. Maybe for both of you they are and you get your check-up and get your verbal gold star! Or maybe you spot a small problem that can be resolved with simply communicating it to your partner and adjusting something you were unaware of. And maybe there is a larger problem and it's time to address it. The scenarios are endless but either way if you haven't had your check up, take the plunge. If you're adverse to counseling, never experienced counseling or had a bad experience with counseling try again. Just like dating, sometimes it takes meeting a few to find "the one" :)

If I can't convince you or rather you can't convince your partner to see a "shrink", Check out The Relate Institute's couple questionnaire. For a mere $40, you and your partner individually answer in-depth questions in a yes/no, scale format about all facets of your relationship. It takes approximately 30 minutes, not bad considering the average time spent at the doctor or dentist is a couple of hours. Then you will receive a multi-page assessment comparing your answers with your partners giving you results you can talk about or take them to a therapist to discuss. Either way, you can't beat the price, the convenience and certainly not the benefits!